I Almost Settled—Then I Realized I was Meant for More

Feb 16

For as long as I can remember, I longed for more than just a fulfilling life—I dreamed of a love that would be all-encompassing—one that would fill a home, create a family, and leave a lasting legacy. I envisioned marriage as a partnership built on faith, trust, and true connection.

But dreams don’t always unfold as easily as we hope, nor as we once imagined they would.

Just over sixteen, I entered my first long-term relationship. By 18, I was engaged—yes, engaged at 18. And although I said yes to the proposal, deep down, I knew it wasn’t the right decision.

Our engagement wasn’t driven by deep conviction or true readiness; it was shaped by circumstance. With him in the military, marriage seemed like the most practical choice at the time—the safest path forward.

Yet, marriage isn’t something determined by circumstance. A lifelong commitment requires more than timing or convenience—it calls for deep certainty, true commitment, and real love. And deep down, I knew that, even if it took me time to fully accept it

When I finally found the courage to walk away, to end the engagement and release a future I wasn’t meant for, I thought I was stepping into something better. Almost immediately, I entered another relationship—convinced that this time, it would be different.

But as time passed, I realized it wasn’t right either.

The Patterns I Couldn’t See—Until I Did

The first relationship was built on codependency, control, and circumstances. Desperate for something different, I swung to the opposite extreme—believing that if this relationship was nothing like the first, maybe it would work.

But instead, I found myself in a different kind of dysfunction.

This time, it wasn’t control and codependency—it was partying, recklessness, and a lack of commitment. And yet, the feeling was painfully familiar.

I was merely an afterthought, caught between fleeting moments and unspoken disappointments—waiting for something real in a place where it would never exist.

Looking back, I see it so clearly—neither relationship was built on a strong foundation, nor were they rooted in real, authentic love.

I often wanted to blame the other person, convincing myself that the dysfunction was them, not me. If only they had been different, maybe things would have worked out. But I refused to see the pattern I was living in—the very one I said I didn’t want, yet kept choosing. I was caught in a cycle, drawn to relationships that mirrored what I was trying to escape, all while ignoring the truth: I was the common thread.

I was the one who stayed.
I was the one who ignored the signs.
I was the one who hoped things would change instead of choosing something new.

And the moment I took responsibility for my choices, I reclaimed my power.

The Moment That Changed Everything

I'll never forget the day I chose to break the cycle. That was the moment I took control of my story—the moment I stopped waiting for change and started creating it.

It was my choice to stay or to walk away.
My choice to keep settling or to believe in something greater.

And then I asked myself—how much longer was I willing to pay the price for staying in something I knew wasn’t meant for me?
How long would I allow someone to hold a place in my heart when it was never theirs to claim?

That moment changed everything.

I made a decision that I knew would shift the entire course of my life:

I chose my future.
I chose to trust that one day, all my deepest desires would be met in a man I believed God had designed specifically for me.

So I cut all ties. I chose solitude over settling.
I decided I would rather be alone than accept anything less than the love and partnership I truly desired.

Sounds simple, right?

It wasn’t.

Walking away from someone you care about, even when you know they’re not meant for you, is painful.

And when they try to mend what’s already broken, it makes it even harder.

But in that season of standing on my own, I started to think differently—about myself, about love, and about the kind of life I wanted to build.

The Night That Changed Everything

Then came the night that changed everything.

After ignoring a flood of texts, I turned off my phone, put on some music, and went inward. I picked up my pen, put it to paper, and for the first time, I wrote it all down:

Everything I wanted in a partner.

I focused on what truly mattered—his character, his values, and the intentions of his heart. I painted a vivid picture of the kind of love I was committed to creating—a love that was faithful, unwavering, and deeply rooted in honesty and authenticity.

And from that moment forward, I stopped settling.

I prayed. I waited. I trusted.

I stayed single. I surrounded myself with my friends, deepened my clarity, and refused to entertain anything that didn’t align with my vision.

But it wasn’t always easy.

There were nights I cried myself to sleep, wondering if my dream of love and family would ever become a reality—nights when I questioned whether I was asking for too much. At one point, I even considered giving up, convincing myself that maybe I should just settle for comfort over love.

But deep down, I knew my heart wouldn’t be fulfilled by simply settling.

And somehow, even the smallest spark of faith was enough to keep me moving forward.

When Faith Became Reality

Just nine months later, completely caught by surprise, I met the man I had prayed for—the man I believe God designed just for me.

Malcolm.

From the moment he entered my life, everything felt different—new in a way I had never known before.

He saw me.
He pursued me with intention.
He cherished me.
He loved me in a way I had never known—gently, wholeheartedly, and without hesitation.

And when I met Malcolm, I knew.

There was no questioning, no fear. Through his actions, he showed me.
Through the expression of his love, I had no doubt.

His love healed parts of me I didn’t even realize were wounded.

And looking back, I know—had I not freed myself from the cycles I kept returning to, had I not created space for what I truly desired, I might have missed him.

Had I continued indulging past relationships or numbing my loneliness with fleeting distractions, I wouldn’t have been in the right space—mentally, emotionally, or spiritually—to recognize and fully receive real love when it finally arrived.

Clarity led to intentionality. And intentionality led me to one of the greatest blessings of my life.

The Love That Was Meant for Me

At 20 years old, I met my husband—the man I had prayed for.

Two years later, we were married.

And now, after 18 years together and 15 years of marriage, I can say with full confidence—

Walking away from what no longer served me, having the courage to wait for something greater, and surrendering to God’s timing wasn’t just worth it—it was essential.

Because in that space of trust, faith, clarity, and intentionality,

I didn’t just receive the love I had prayed for—I became the woman who was truly ready to embrace it.

And that changed everything.